Meditation Secrets Revealed

From my favorite yoga book, the Patanjali Yoga Sutras, comes a few gems of wisdom that help me retain my happiness and inner peace when deal with people. By putting these attitudes of mindfulness into practice I have saved myself a lot of emotional pain and built many wonderful relationships. In order to maintain our peace of mind we need to consider the four types of people in the world that we may encounter and the four ways to approach them.

When encountering a happy person, be kind and friendly to them. Often when people see someone who is happy, their initial reaction is to feel jealousy and dislike for that person. They may even blame that person or “that type” for their own problems. This attitude never does us much good. While that person may walk away, we are burning up inside with hatred and rage against that person. Instead, be friendly and think, “Wow, how nice it must be to be that happy, isn’t it wonderful. I want to be that happy also.” Frequently, people think of emotions as something that just comes up, as if they have no control over them. But like anything else in life, the more we practice something the better we become so always strive to practice positive emotions of joy, friendliness, and kindness.

The next type of person that we may meet is the unhappy. When we meet such a person, we can practice compassion for their situation and perhaps try and help them if this is within your means and appropriate for the situation. I am frequently astounded at how much I can do just by acknowledging somebody, offering them a smile or a helping hand. Somebody may be having a bad day or upset about something and they may be very focused on the story going on inside their head. Just a bit of compassion can snap them out of their mental misery and bring them into the present moment. Sometimes it takes just a little – to do a lot.

Then there are the virtuous, these are people that we can learn from and look up to. With these people we can show delight and admire them for their virtuous qualities. Don’t try to criticize them or pull them down, you will only cause yourself mental turmoil. Instead, find the qualities that you wish to possess that they have and use that person as your role model. They will be flattered and might even offer you some guidance or advice.

And lastly, there are the wicked people. Every once in a while we will meet such a person and the best thing to do is to stay away from them and disregard them completely. There is a story of a small sparrow that has built a warm and cozy nest in preparation for the rain and across from it is sitting a monkey. As the rain starts, the sparrow is dry and happy in it’s nest while the monkey is getting drenched. The sparrow decided to offer the drenched monkey some advice on how to build a nest but instead of gratitude, the monkey becomes enraged thinking that the sparrow is proud of it’s position and proceeds to tare the sparrow’s nest apart. The sparrow has to fly away and it too gets drenched in the pouring rain. When you recognize such a monkey, do not try to help it or offer it advice, it will always result in disaster. The best thing to do is to disregard them – they must learn on their own.

With these four keys of friendliness for the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard for the wicked, we can approach any situation with a peaceful mind and maintain our calm.

When we are kids, our mind is in its early stages of development, extremely pliable and relatively unconditioned. For many it is their happiest time. Not because there is a lack of responsibilities, but because the mind has not yet taken control of us. Have you ever observed kids playing? One falls or hits the other, “ouch that hurt.” They cry, and they cry, and soon they get distracted by a fluttering butterfly or a rolling ball and they are off, happy as a bird, completely forgetting that they were crying and upset just a moment ago. That is the power of the mind, or should I say the lack of control of the mind over us at that tender age.

Now let’s go forward in time to a similar situation. We are hurt, we are in pain, a loved one said something hurtful or painful to us and we cry. No ball or butterfly will bring us out of this state. What has changed? We may think to ourselves at this point, “Aha, we are adults now, our lives are much more complicated and we have so many responsibilities. Life is not so simple anymore!” The truth of the matter is that although we do have more responsibilities as adults, this does not mean that life has gotten more complicated. Rather, we have allowed our mind to steering us, and now it says, “I want all emotions: negative, positive, hurtful, and joyful. It does not matter. Give me anything and I will cling to it.” That is the current state for many people. If only we could get that pesky mind to stop for just a moment, how wonderful would that be! How peaceful would we feel!

As we grow up, we begin to identify ourselves with the mind deluding ourselves into thinking that we are our minds. Through meditation and constant self observation we can reach the realization that we are not our mind. We are something different. In yoga it is called the seer. We are the seer and the mind is a pool of water which reflects that seer. Through some blunder we have associated ourselves with the reflection instead of the original image. It is like staring at yourself in the mirror and thinking that the image in the mirror is the real you.

See also: Meditation Techniques: How to Master Your Mind

Children are supposed to play, adults are not. As an adult, we are conditioned to behave and conform to the standards of society; they tell us to walk without running, keep our voice controlled, don’t disrupt, don’t climb, don’t jump, don’t shout, and the list goes on and on. Most people actually believe this is what qualifies a person to be an adult and a proper, socialized citizen. By upholding this belief, the majority of adults become rigid, unyielding- cutting play and imagination almost completely out of their lives. Yet play is the ultimate new behavior generator. It is a boundless resource for creativity and experimentation. If I am talking to somebody and ask them sincerely to try something they may feel uncomfortable or fearful of performing that activity, or answering the questions. As soon as I rephrase the request and say, “Imagine or pretend to know the answer…” By putting the word, imagine, in front of the question, I am inviting a mental shift and encouraging play and imagination to take place, thereby changing the emotional state of that person. Now, that person feels free to explore without self doubts and fears holding them back. This is the power of play.

I frequently run into people that say, “Oh, I can’t learn that, I’m too old.” Another comment that I frequently hear is, “Children learn much faster then adults, the adult brain just isn’t capable of soaking up information the way a kid’s brain is.” Well, if you believe that, then it certainly is true for you, but I don’t. In fact, people frequently tell me that I learn extremely quickly and my response is, “I learn faster, better, and smarter now than I ever did before. “ In part this is due to my personal philosophy and attitude towards learning and the relationship between play and learning.

Play allows me to experiment, be creative, lighthearted and carefree. I was teaching my boss, a serious man of 60 years of age, how to use his new laptop. He was listening to me and cautiously moving the mouse around the screen, following my instructions. The entire process of teaching him the basics of a program were excruciatingly slow because he was unable to get past his fear of ruining or screwing something up. Caution overtook curiosity and excitement, and the result was a very difficult and tedious learning process. If I was to put a playful adult in his stead, yes such a species does exist, that person would be jumping all over the menus, pushing all the buttons and rapidly exploring the new computer options. If you have forgotten how, it’s never too late to re-learn how to play, it’s easy, it’s natural, and scientists are starting to learn that is necessary for development. Learn to cultivate a playful and curious attitude towards new and familiar things; it’s the best recipe for staying young, active, and smart.

Here are a few links to great TED talks and news stories about play:

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/stuart_brown_says_play_is_more_than_fun_it_s_vital.html

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/tim_brown_on_creativity_and_play.html

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/play-public.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

Quite often, our thoughts and memories play tricks on us. When we think of a situation that has occurred, it is generally the same no matter how many times we run through it in our mind. Now, try taking a walk in a familiar place. One of the things you will notice is that it is not the same as you remember it. The world has changed, and it is constantly changing. Being present in the moment forces awareness of your surroundings and the ever-changing world. It is a well known fact from neuro-science that your eyes only capture a partial impression of the external reality. The rest of what you perceive to be reality is actually filled in by your mind. To have a fresh perspective and to see without assuming and expecting is the goal of being present in the moment.

Take notice of these changes and become aware of the liquidity of life. This new awareness can inspire you to become more flexible and pliable in all aspects of your life. Born, we are soft and supple, dead we are hard and stiff. Movement and change is the way of life, rigidity and stiffness is the way of death. To be present, truly present, is a joy that is beyond words. Once you become aware that you are living a real moment, a unique moment given specifically to you, no matter what it is, you can appreciate it and be grateful for being alive. Be grateful that you are having this breath, having this food, having this ache, because it’s the only one like it that you will ever have.